SO YOUNG

We are gathered here today for my son’s, my first-born’s, wedding. An hour from now, the word “mine” for David will primarily belong to his breathtaking bride, and I taste salt at the thought. “Thank you for raising the man of my dreams,” she wrote me, ever thoughtful, tender, generous. I couldn’t have chosen a more perfectly fitted soulmate for him; I know she is his Maker’s marvelous match.

The rustic room fills with the patchwork of loved one from their combined worlds – different colors and textures in the quilt that wraps them in our experiences, stitched together as their unique support network.

Oddly detached and aware at the same time, I float in and out of their (imagined) perceptions. Like scents in a garden, my dear ones each touch my senses differently as mostly unspoken realities brush against the promise of this occasion…

“I wish I could do it over again. I wish I had known what I do now – that it’s just hormones; it’s not the truth…” “Why should it last for them?” “Is this all there is?” “Isn’t every wife I know lonely?”

Memories of lonely nights, ugly and derived of a soothing soundtrack, unimaginable betrayals and cold-light realism collide with the fairy-tale ambiance here. They are so young.

A hush falls over us – and there she is, fragile, beautiful, gliding on the arm of her father to her waiting groom.

My man’s voice has a gruff, playful edge as he asks, “Who gives this woman to marry my son?” And then he pointedly addresses the “Why!? They are so young!”

“David & Isabelle have something most young adults, and many older ones, don’t have.

Yes, they’re young, and inexperienced, thank God, but they are more spiritually mature than many 50 year-olds I know.

Spiritual maturity is something easy to spot in a person; it looks like generosity of heart, an unselfish, servant-attitude. Galatians 5 says that it looks like love.

Jesus Christ gave us only one command; to love one another in the same manner in which He has loved us.

Not merely emotional love, or romantic love, but sacrificial love.

All through the gospels we see Jesus living to bless, and serve, and help other people.
History agrees that His entire life on Earth was a sacrifice, culminating in His willing presentation of Himself to die on a cross, so that undeserving men and women like you and me can be rescued and recreated by His Holy Spirit.

Most men and women with whom I counsel, approach marriage as something which will fulfill them.They approach marriage as a vehicle through they will receive what they need from the other individual.

I see in David & Isabelle a spiritual maturity, an understanding that they must always approach their relationship as givers, servants, ready to support and assist each other.

Ready to love as Jesus loves…

Two takers in a marriage relationship find themselves always frustrated and never satisfied. Both focused on receiving, and both therefore, continually being disappointed.

But two GIVERS in a marriage always receive, so I am confident that David and Isabelle will build a good life together, in Christ!

Today David and Isabelle are embarking on a journey of mutual discovery and fulfillment!

It’s a journey that the Living God Himself already has planned, specifically for them to enjoy and experience!

And of course, it won’t always be easy! It will even be painful at times.
It will require determination and perseverance to build the depth of relationship that you both want to have.

Make it your daily practice to thank God for the things you love and appreciate about each other!

David, continue to keep a running list of the qualities you love & admire in Isabelle.

Isabelle, write down, and reflect every day, on the attributes in David which you respect!

Both of you must determine to never allow even one day to go by without thanking God for everything on that gratitude list!

Never criticize or speak negatively in public about each other! That will murder a marriage!

From this day forward, God intends to make you ONE! Cooperate with that process!

That means that your primary loyalty and allegiance now belongs not to mom & dad, not to old friends, but to your mate!

So, encourage each other, serve each other, overlook the flaws you will inevitably discover in each other!

Many people here in this room are wondering if you’ll make it. So many marriages fail.

I wouldn’t be doing this, if I were one of them. You are ready for this!

You already have better disciplines built into your lives and your friendship than many couples ever learn to apply in their marriages.

Continue to diligently Pray together, and God Himself will keep you safe!”

Then we eat, we drink, we socialize. As The Civil Wars sing, “you’ve been lonely too long,” he whisks her to the dance floor, and I know it’s true: they’ve been lonely too long, David and Isabelle, during their long-distance relationship. The music gets under our skin; many here have been lonely too long.

Among us, a widower, my father. His bride of forty years was ripped from him early one March morning without warning. No time to say goodbye. But they had developed a habit of living without regret, each night thanking each other for the day. Nine years later, the wound where she was torn from his soul doesn’t bleed as it once did, but clearly, it’s throbbing. Every day. They were this age when they met.

At the end of the night, he takes the floor without a microphone, and those who hear him crowd closer. We sense gravitas. A World War II refuge himself, he explains a Yiddish word from the ghetto: “Besch” Beloved. To a people in despair, this concept of a soul mate, a personal gift from God, is not luxury or fairy tale dream, but a necessary beacon in a nightmarish existence.. “I feel like I have known you all my life” reminds the soul that it is not a number tattooed to the wrist, but wonderfully and deliberately made – to be known and discovered and celebrated.

As my father raises a toast to life, I raise my eyes to the Wedding to come –
“ For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:31-32)

L’chaim