MY DEAREST FRIEND

I miss her voice the most. Like sunlight shimmering in a gently streaming rivulet, her words illuminated my soul with a glow that both comforted and inspired me. Oddly, I simultaneously relaxed into a deep sense of home and felt my chest swell with a burst of fresh adventure when I was with her.

People flocked to her for a taste of that sunshine, and as long as I knew her, that she sought to direct those desires back to their true Fulfillment. Fully aware that the radiance wasn’t hers, she pleaded with us to seek the Sun for ourselves, even as her compassion poured the most delicious love into us and we drank deeply from her wisdom. Too often, we squeezed her dry.

So she withdrew to that luscious garden of solitude where He replenished her.

Only lavish, miraculous grace can explain why I was so blessed as to become her friend. “Life witnesses,” she called us, as we processed the passing years and decades in letters and phone calls and visits.

As such, she anchored me in who and whose I was when torrents of emotions, hardships, and overwhelming responsibilities dragged me into seas of confusion.

Her voice was a haven.
In it, I deciphered truth from deception, conviction from condemnation, love from infatuation. In it, I was drawn to her Source of this light-sparkling water.

“For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.”
(Psalms 36:9.)

And I’m so thirsty.
She died three years ago. Her 17 years with cancer weren’t so much a battle as a surrender. In spite of the cacophony of opinions against it, she simply entrusted her death to the One who had so tenderly carried her through life, the One who used her voice to call us Home. She longed to touch His face, and now she does.

I miss her.

Recently one morning, the pang of it stole my breath – the harsh reality that I will never ever hear her golden voice on this earth again.

Quietly, with that familiar sunlit sparkle, my Savior addressed it directly, “She was My voice to you while you learned to listen. The love you received from her was a small taste of mine. It was Me you enjoyed then, and I am always with you.”

Theoretically, I knew that. But when He breathes truth over me, it is no longer theory, it is LIFE reverberating through every fragile fiber of me. It changes everything.

In His light, I feel light. I crave it. I thirst for it. Without continual contact with Him, my soul darkens, my head spins, and I shrivel up into Gollum from “the Lord of the Rings.”

That’s why my soul seeks Him every day. It is not like exercise, (which for me is a calculated decision easily altered), but like entering my beloved Brita’s living room again. I smell the coffee, I close my eyes and, exhaling, lean back into His voice.

This is the safest place in the world, alone with my Friend who loves me enough speak truth to me, who trusts me enough to share His heart with me, and who knows me enough to laugh at inside jokes with me. Sometimes I think He made me this clumsy, just so we can crack up about it together.

Daily, I bring Him my messy puzzle pieces: my worries and obsessions, my thoughts, and especially my questions.

I cry, I sing, I open His Word.
He speaks, He reveals, He opens my heart.
It is the dialogue and Friendship my soul breathes.

Brita’s greatest gift to me was introducing me to this
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
(Isaiah 9:6b)

To discover His Voice for yourself, allow me to suggest these steps:

Ask Him to draw you closer.
Choose any time and a place when you can be undisturbed with him. Less is better than nothing. Be ready to write down your conversation.
Open the Bible and read it systematically, rather than randomly. Ask Him:
“What does it say?”
“What does it mean?”
“How can I personally apply it?”

“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12-13)

Then talk to your Friend about it – that’s prayer, and that’s how your relationship deepens. I’d love to hear about your journey with Jesus, your Life Witness.

His voice is inviting you:
“Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.”
(Song of Songs 2:14b)