A PORTRAIT OF HORMONES

My current battle began slowly and mostly undetected. My man’s time and attention were spread thinner and thinner, and simultaneously, so were my hormones. But what was what? More than two decades of ministry had trained us well in weighing the different priorities and costs, and arriving together at satisfying solutions. Now, a stranger hijacks my emotions, injects acidic toxins into my thoughts, and coerces me into emptying jars of Nutella….

Symptomatic of this exasperating season, hopeless sadness frequently overwhelms me, a sense of utter loss and abandonment out of proportion with the actual situation. Next, in some nightmarish logic, flight-or-fight rage erupts with the ferocity of a threatened mama bear. At some point the bewildered expression and patient reasoning of my man breaks the spell, and it’s like waking up from a traumatic trance.

After a recent fever pitch, I finally declared war on this cycle of devastation. Enough is enough. There has to be a way to stop this menopause mudslide before it accelerates to speeds that erode all I hold dear and hurtle destructive debris in a havoc no one wants.

Breaking in my Father’s arms, begging for wisdom for me and the women I so love, I embrace His ways tightly, casting all my mind, soul, and expectations on His mercy. Come alongside me, and let’s face this head-on, armed with Scripture-based strategy.

1. OWN IT.
No matter how justified we feel in a hormone high, we are intoxicated and simply don’t see straight. Decide ahead of time to not react, to not try to solve any (perceived) problem. Plan an exit route now (perhaps with your spouse or friend) for when the heat rises. How can you deflect the emotion before you take the its bait and repeat the regret?

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Facing and owning the behavior as MINE changes the atmosphere from combative or self-pitying to an honest cry for help. It frees my loved ones from needing to fend off incessant accusations and allows them to embrace me with the comfort I so crave in that moment.

2. STAY AT THE CROSS.
While my husband’s arms are the sweetest place to recover, they cannot infuse me with the strength I need. They cannot make me new, fresh, free –

Only Grace does that.

Only that incredible Love who died to wash away all the broken guilt stains, not glossing over the harsh words I hemorrhage, but calmly acknowledging it all. Yes, I did all that, but there’s a greater, sweeter truth:

“‘Come now, let us settle the matter,’ says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'” (Isaiah 1:18)

Sometimes, in the shame that follows a surge, I unwillingly block the kindness that reaches to reconcile, both from loved ones and my Lord.

If you do, too, let’s stop it. It serves no good purpose; it only compounds the confusion and keeps us in the lonely shadows. Take my hand, and let’s step into the sunshine of freeing forgiveness. “And He gives more grace.” (James 4:6)

“Try to stop Your love and You would wage a war
Try to take the very thing You gave Your life for
You would come running
Tear down every wall
All the while You’re shouting
“My Love, you’re worth it all”.
~ Kim Walker-Smith

3. FAN YOUR FIRST LOVE
Let’s forget all illusions about who and what we “should” be at this point. Let’s deliberately turn our eyes from media-produced, un-achievable standards invested to sell products and insecurities. We really don’t need any help with that.

Instead, simply accept that we each are a unique masterpiece, reflecting His beauty as differently as every flower’s fragrance and bird’s song. There’s only one you, and He dotes over you, sister.

Cultivate that private place of worship where all other voices fade, and His Word vibrates through you, declaring that “You are beautiful in every way, my true love. There is no blemish on you.” (Song of Solomon 4:7)

When awareness of yours or someone else’s flaws raises its fault-finding voice, let Him wash it away before it ignites the flammables inside you. Shhhhh. Listen, “Christ . . . loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25b-27). Peace, be still and know this.

How do you best inhale His love?
When do you feel most alive in Him?

For me, a good book with a cup of tea in my backyard is more healing than any medicine. It’s where I remember who and Whose I am, and my whole being exhales into His peace. I feel His love.

“He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul”
(Psalms 23:2-3a)

Cultivate these; they are your soul’s heartbeat.

4. WHEN YOU FALL, REMEMBER:

Note: Advice on exercise, diet, and hormone treatment is above my pay grade. May The Lord guide you personally to what fits your situation.